Welcome to Day 26 of the Just For Today Challenge – 31 Days To A Better You.
Today’s challenge may be very hard or very easy for you to complete. Even if it’s hard, please try this exercise as it can make a big difference in your life.
The challenge is to write down a list of all of your friends. Everyone with who you keep in close contact. If they are in contact with you within the last 5 years, write down that person’s name. Keep adding to the list as much as you can. When you have everyone in your life on this list, go through each name and either put a “P” or an “N” because each person’s name. The “P” stands for positive and the “N” stands for negative.
As you are going down the list, and are thinking of each person, write down a “P” or “N” beside their name. Does this person have a good influence on your? Put a “P” beside their name. Do you feel better whenever you talk to this person? Put a “P” beside their name. Do you feel uplifted when you speak to them?
If, on the other hand, this so-called friend is constantly putting you down or you just feel drained after you talk with or spend time with them, then put a “N” beside their name. Do they always put down your dreams and tell you that it can’t be done, that you can’ t do something? Are they stuck in the same situation year after year without any change, still moaning about how unfair life is?
I think you know where this is going. No matter how hard it is or how long you have been friends with someone, if they are a negative influence in your life, you have to either ditch the friendship or severely limit the amount of time you spend with this person. You can’t let other people’s negativity impact your life. Garbage in = Garbage out.
If, however, you have several “P”s besides people’s names and haven’t spent a lot of time with them, think about ways that you can be around this person more. Can you call them more often? Can you go for coffee or lunch with them? Can you be a good friend to them as well, and be their greatest cheerleader? It’s a two-way street. If you want positive friends in your life, you need to be a positive friend in their lives, too.
Do whatever it takes to have more positive people in your life because you want the positive influence. You don’t want the blood-suckers, as I call them, sucking all the good from your life.
Look at your list. If you have an “N” besides most of the names, you have to do some major soul-searching about why you hang around negative people. If it’s because you think you don’t deserve better friends, then know that you do! No deserves to be treated badly by people we choose to let into our lives. Your self-esteem can be vastly improved just by hanging around people who are supportive and believe in you.
You choose your friends and it’s important to choose the right ones. I give you permission to stop having negative people in your life, if you need permission. It may take time to find new friends but they are out there. You might be lonely for a while, but if you make the effort, you will find like-minded people. There are over 6 billion people on the planet and there is no excuse not to find a better peer group.
Yes, the older you get, the harder it seems to make friends, but there are all sorts of ways to make new friends. Think of what you like to do and see if there is a group near you that meets regularly. It’s okay if it’s online. There may be opportunities for you to meet up with your online friends. As long as they are a positive influence in our life. Taking a class is an excellent way to meet like-minded people who are bettering themselves.
Life can be very hard indeed when people close to you don’t nurture you and put down your dreams and aspirations for the future. No matter who they are, you need to toss the toxic people out of your life so that you can become the best person that you can be. We should be helping each other up, not down.
Have you had to end a friendship because of toxicity? I know it’s can be hard but it’s also necessary. Let us know how you dealt with the situation by leaving a comment below. Thanks!
For a list of all of the Challenges, see the Just For Today Challenge page.
If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to my feed to have all the future articles delivered to your feed reader. Thanks!
PDF 
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
I’ll have to confess that I haven’t done this yet. I think I might need a few more cups of tea before doing so
The reason I say this is because I know of one person in particular who I’d have to put an ‘N’ next to.
Have you got any suggestions what to do if the person is reliant upon you? The person I’m thinking of has had post-natal depression and I try my best to be supportive. But it is draining, I could relate to that description very well
Eleanor Edwards´s last blog ..#GiveABrickTwitterChallenge
Hi Eleanor,
That is very tough. Can you point them to resources so that they can get help themselves for their post-natal depression? I would suggest doing that and as much as you can try to limiting your contact with the person if they are especially affecting the quality of your life. A great thing is to screen your calls and not pick up as often when that person calls to vent. You have better things to do with your life than be the ‘dumpee’ who is used by negative people.
This is very hard, but it’s important to try for your own sake. As they say on the airplanes, put your own oxygen mask on before anyone else – you have to look after your own mental state and quality of life before you can take care of anyone else. If that makes you selfish, then so be it. It’s your life.
Thanks,
Karen
Thanks Karen.
The lady is actually my husband’s sister and I spoke with him about it yesterday. She hasn’t called me in ages (we were speaking at least every other day) and I haven’t phoned her and wanted to know if he thought I should. His advice echoed yours. He said to leave her for a bit and that it was all getting too much.
I will have to ring her at some point but will take on board what you’ve both said.
Thanks for your advice
Eleanor Edwards´s last blog ..How to Live in Peace Without Being a Doormat
I actually did this in October. Took me a looooong time to admit that I needed to really though; there’s something that makes you generally reluctant to cut people out (even if it’s better for you that way).
In the end, in my MSN contacts alone, I went from about 70-80 people down to 22, and I think I need to go through it again. You feel so much better once you’re done though!
It’s a good challenge Karen, glad to see you included it.
Heather´s last blog ..How to be Awesome: The Difficulty With Portfolios
Hi Karen Ruby,
First, awesome name, second, neat idea to start a 31 day challenge. It is extremely true: as you get older, it’s much harder to make friends. Of course, I haven’t done much to make any new friends. Everyone on the east coast is bundled up
Anyway, hoping to make some blogging friends
Please check out my website if you have a moment. Thanks.
Moon Hussain´s last blog ..Product Marketing and Testing Series–Part II: Hacking The Technical “Stuff” When Creating Product Website
Welcome Moon,
Glad that you like my name, I’ll let my Mom know
Sometimes you just have inspiration hit you – which is what happened for the Just For Today Challege.
Glad that you are enjoying the challenges.
Thanks,
Karen
Hey Karen,
Wow, I can’t believe you are almost finished with your series! Congrats on the efforts you have put into building a better you. I can not wait to see your reflection after you are finished with the whole 31 days. What if you had a program you put together that was 365 days? Would that take away from the importance and just add complexity to life or would that provide a guiding purpose and action to each and every day of a person’s life?
Relationships are huge and one of the biggest factors of our happiness. Emotions are contagious based on mirror neurons.
Here is to happy and healthy relationship building for life!
Tanner
Tanner´s last blog ..How Technology is Shaping Your Life
Hey Tanner,
I know! The month is flying by and the Challenge is almost over. Thanks so much – it is a lot of hard work, but very worthwhile, too.
A better person than me will have to do a 365-day Challenge
I agree that relationships are a driving force for happiness in one’s life.
Thanks so much,
Karen