Being authentic means to be true to one’s own personality and spirit despite pressures from external forces and influences.
Are you being your true authentic self in everything that you do? Or are you trying to fit in with the crowd and not allow people to see your true self?
I think that it’s really hard not to be influenced by external forces, such as what we see on television or experience from our peer group. Even though it’s hard, I think it’s harder to fake being something that you’re not. It never works out for you in the end as it takes up too much energy and ultimately you decide that it’s not worth sublimating your true self.
We all have a desire to fit in and not stand out. Do you remember the kid in school who wore the handmade clothes that his mother made him wear to school? No one wanted to be that kid, regardless of how bad you felt snickering behind his back at his clothes. You were just glad that it wasn’t you. It would have been nice if we stood up for that kid sometimes, rather than joining the crowd and taking the easy road.
Kids can be very cruel, but as adults, I hope we have gained enough experience and wisdom during our years to stand up for what is right and what is wrong. Of course, what is right and wrong is subjective to an extent, but I hope you would agree that having honesty and integrity in your daily actions is an universal trait that is worthwhile to strive for.
I can never understand those people who can compartmentalize their lives. Do you know who I mean? A person acts one way at work, a different way when he is out with his wife/girlfriend, a different way when he is out ‘with the boys’, and yet another way when he is at home. It sounds like a lot of wasted energy to me to be so many different people in different situations. Why can’t that person just be himself in ALL situations?
If you like to wear bright colours, then why are you dressing in black, grey or blue for work every day? What would happen if you decided to wear bright pink to work? (I’m talking to the ladies here, but if you’re a guy who wears pink to work, more power to you) Try it and see how much freer you are being your true authentic self.
Are you a guy who loves his tattoos and has both of his ears pierced? Are you going to work without your studs and your tats covered up? How come? Is it company policy or are you just doing it to fit in with everyone else and not stand out?
Are you continually buying things that you can’t afford in an effort to keep up with the Joneses? Or so that people will like you more? I hope you realize that you can’t continue to keep buying STUFF in an effort to satisfy external forces. The Joneses can’t keep up with the Joneses, so what makes you think that you can? Plus, if you have to buy friendship or respect, does it really count? Not so much. It’s wasted energy which can be better harnessed showcasing your authentic self. Keep your money in your wallet the next time you feel pressured to ‘donate’ to the latest birthday/wedding/fundraiser card that comes around the office floor.
If you don’t believe in something, stand up for yourself and don’t participate.
Don’t worry, it gets easier the more you practice being your true authentic self.
The rise in whistleblowers lately has been a really good thing. There are people who are no longer willing to go along just to get along and are telling the world that their integrity and their authentic selves are more important than corporate profits or their next paycheque. Are you looking the other way or keeping quiet about something you know that is wrong or worse, illegal? I can only imagine how that must eat away at one’s soul.
Can you just imagine how bland the world would be if we all dressed alike, talked alike, looked alike, thought alike, liked the same things and did the same things? I wouldn’t want to live in such a world. The world needs you to be you – we’re waiting for you to show your true authentic self and we won’t accept you pretending to be something that you’re not.
At the end of the day, you are the only one who can look in the mirror and decide if you like the person looking back at you. I think the world needs people who like themselves enough to be their true self 24/7 and not to fake or try to copy anyone else on the planet. Be original and let the world get to know the real you.
Stand Up and Stand Out!
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{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
I wasted too much time in my life trying to blend in with the crowd and I’m just starting to listen to *my* needs and be myself.
I guess many people perceive listening to your own needs as egocentricity. They think that by listening to your needs, you can’t be there to listen to others’. But how can you truly be there for someone when you can’t be there for yourself? If anything, listening to your own needs and being yourself actually makes you *more* apt at listening to the needs of others.
Phil Starn´s last blog ..Here’s a Simple Mindset to Stop Worrying Needlessly
That’s great that you are starting to be more your authentic self, Phil.
You definitely have to be there for yourself – at the end of the day, if you can’t count on yourself and believe in yourself, then what do you have? ‘Everywhere you go, there are you’ is a great affirmation to remember.
Thanks,
Karen
Hey Karen,
Fantastic post and somethign we all need to pay attention to. Sometimes you can spot the fakers a mile off, or the posers. Contradiction in their writing, siding with different camps to keep everyone happy whilst playing each other off one another.
If you be yourself, ultimately there is no competition, keep being yourself Karen, this is fantastic stuff
tweeted, dugg and stumbled!
TheInfoPreneur´s last blog ..Should You Be a Freedom Fighter Or An Alliance?
Thanks, James
I agree that there is no competition and no need to side with different camps to keep everyone else happy. Keep yourself happy – that’s more than good enough.
Karen
I think you’re right Karen – we are all influenced by external forces
Like Phil I spent a long time trying to fit into the crowd. I don’t think I’ve ever grown out of that so to speak but I’m now a lot more comfortable with me and who I am these days so I’m a lot more authentic.
I’m not sure I agree about the spilt personalities thing. The reason is because I’m very different at work than I am at home and that’s for a good reason. At work, presenting seminars to 50 – 250 school students at a time I need to be very lively and energetic to hold their attention and get my points across in a fun way that they will enjoy. I’m far more quiet and reserved at home as I don’t need to be shouting and excitable all the time to have fun with me family. I wouldn’t say I’m a different person at work just that I up the energy levels because I allows the kids I’m working with to learn more and get more out of their time with me.
A very thought provoking post Karen. Thanks for sharing
Ben´s last blog ..It’s the little things that make a big difference. How do you flap your Butterfly wings?
HI Ben,
It’s great to hear that you are being more your authentic self these days. I wonder if it comes with maturity and age? We soon realize that life is too short to be faking it or pretending any more.
While I agree that we can act as required in different situations, I should have clarified what I meant by compartmentalization. It’s not split personality – it’s acting as if you have no home life while at work and suppressing your true feelings – putting your home life, your work life, your social life in different ‘compartments’ so that none of them interfere with each other and you act as if none of the compartments overlap. You’re compartmenalizing your authentic self, rather than being the same person regardless of the situation or where you are. Did that make sense?
Thanks,
Karen
Yeah that makes sense – I think I misunderstood your point. Thanks for clearing it up
Ben´s last blog ..It’s the little things that make a big difference. How do you flap your Butterfly wings?
Hi Karen, this is a great post. There’s a lot of talk about authentic leadership and a lot of people are talking about this. What you say is really good sense for organisations. Why would you want someone to be different out of work than in work.
How often have you been on a work social occasion and everyone is chatting and having a good time, but when in the office they never speak to one another.
Organisations need to look to the environment they are creating to sterlise authenticity.
Matthew Needham´s last blog ..You never know what a blog will lead to
That’s exactly it, Matthew – why should we listen to our organizations say one thing and then do another thing just for profit? People make up the organization and if everyone is too afraid to be themselves or so concerned with not rocking the boat and are scared to be offer differing opinions based on their authentic selves, then it will affect the culture of the organization.
I read that Google hires a lot of musicians and artists to work for them. You would expect them to hire computer science grads, but having artistic people in your company brings a new dimension to the organization. Artists, by default, are being their authentic selves due to the nature of being an artist and non-conforming.
Thanks,
Karen
Karen, I’m fully with you on this one. It certainly ties in with one of my recent posts; http://www.diary4life.com/integrity/. You’re so right when you talk about how even the Jones’ can’t keep up with the Jones’. Despite this so many people are still trying to achieve what appears to be an impossible task. Thank you for sharing this.
Regards
Paul
Welcome Paul,
That’s a great article you wrote.
In the article, where you wrote ” If you were to respond in a different way, depending on the company you are keeping or the environment you are in, it wouldn’t help your reputation among your peers and friends.” –> this is so true. People wouldn’t get to know the real you because you didn’t have integrity in all of your interactions. It’s hard to trust someone who isn’t being their true authentic self and acts differently in various situations.
Thanks for sharing the link.
Karen
That’s right Karen; I think it’s a case of honesty. Honesty with yourself first, then with others.
I think on many occasions there’s a misunderstanding of the true meaning of the words we use.
Regards
Paul
Paul´s last blog ..Achievements
Great post Karen. I think you hit the nail on the head in the comment you made to Ben about it being an age thing. Turning 30 felt very liberating. I was the fat kid with glasses in school but survived without being bullied by being quirky and funny. But deep inside I really wanted to just fit in.
Now I love being unique and encourage others to celebrate that in themselves. As I’ve said before, you are the only one who can be you so best to do it with aplomb
Eleanor Edwards´s last blog ..Are They Using This Weapon On Your 4 Year Old?
Hi Eleanor,
I think the need to fit in and be accepted never goes away, no matter how old we get. As individuals we have to determine what’s worth more – fitting in or being ourselves?
You’re right – you’re the only who can be you
Thanks,
Karen
You make good points about being authentic but I would like to suggest a counterpoint. Sometimes, you need to fake being what you need to be – example being the night I met my wife at a Halloween party. I didn’t know anybody being just back at school from the Army and I didn’t want to continue my lonely introvert existence. I dressed up flamboyantly with the intent to be noticeable. She thought I was ridiculous but we met and are still together. Sometimes faking moves you along.
Ralph´s last blog ..Happy Chinese New Year
Hi Ralph,
You know, I was going to put something in the article about ‘faking it until you make it’ but while I agree that in the short term faking gives you a boost, it doesn’t last very long. No one can fake being something they’re not in the long term.
That’s a great story about how you met your wife, thanks for sharing it.
Karen
Standing up for yourself is a good thing, this has been a learning process for me because over the last 5 years i had lost that ability to speak up and stand up, but now, I am back and if there is something I believe in more is me. Thank you so much for the great read. You are awesome
BTW I am authentic.
winnie´s last blog ..Do you act with your gutt?
Hi winnie,
That’s great that you are discovering yourself again and standing up for winnie. If you don’t, no one else will. Having that belief and trust in yourself (no matter what happens) will see you through life’s good times and bad times.
Thanks – you’re pretty awesome, too
Karen
What a wonderful and timely post. Over the years I’ve often felt like the odd man out because I don’t follow the pack. You gotta have thick hide, take a lot of guff and consistently question your own motives. It’s worth the effort – I sleep well at night.
I don’t say this to boast. I thank all my parents and all the great teachers I’ve had for pounding this into my head – think for yourself.
You said, “…why should we listen to our organizations say one thing and then do another thing just for profit?”
I’m dealing with this right now. Organizations, no matter the ideals they expound often do exactly this – mouth one thing and do another, either for the benefit of public image or money. Either is a hard pill to swallow for anyone who sees the truth.
Welcome Hal,
So glad that you liked the post and that it resonated with you. I think we all know of instances where corporations say one thing and do another. Corporations are notorious for this, which makes the ones who actually do stand by what they say very rare.
You have been taught a very valuable lesson – to think for yourself and to be your own man. Such qualities are in very high demand, particularly these days when it’s so easy to fake either one. It’s a rare person who can see (and speak) the truth.
Thanks for sharing,
Karen
Hi Karen,
I weigh in with the lot that are saying that different circumstances call for different approaches as well as “being” and that does not necessarily mean that we are not being our authentic selves.
I have a question re being authentic? What exactly is it? It seems to be the word du jour. I recently had a somewhat similar conversation with a small group. The message I got was that one must always be true to themselves and not to pretend. If you are with a group of children you most certainly would do some things differently than you would if you were with a group of adults and no doubt your speech would be different as well. Is that not being your authentic self?
On days when I have a full slate of face to face meetings and presentations I have to keep in mind that it’s show time and I owe it to the people I am meeting with or speaking to deliver my best, even if I feel below par inside of me.
I also think that being “authentic” (depending on whose interpretation you are following) can place one a precarious edge of selfishness – “this is who I am, take me or leave me and your own self be damned”.
And then there is the desire to be better than who you are. That may address itself in so-called superficial things, you know good table manners, consideration for other people, better grooming and dressing, aspiring to be like someone you admire. Often when an individual sets out to better herself her peers begin to accuse her of being a snob or of thinking that she is too good for them.
In my view authenticity is often misunderstood and sadly, like so many honourable words is too easily tossed about. We do change (god I hope we do) and as we change we need to continuously re-acquaint ourselves with ourselves.
Those are my two cents worth.
Valentina´s last blog ..Sunday Morn Musings: How Athletes are Different From You and Me
Welcome Valentina and thank you for your insightful response.
While I don’t agree that being your true authentic self is being selfish, I understand what you’re saying. It’s true that in different circumstances we may need to tone down or adapt some of ourselves, but that doesn’t change who you really are. If you are a warm, loving person who acts with integrity, it doesn’t matter which situation you find yourself in, you will always be that person. If however, you are let’s say a teacher who teaches ethics and then goes home and cheats on their taxes (after all, doesn’t everyone fudge on their taxes?), then that’s not being your true authentic self. It’s your mindset that’s telling you that everyone cheats on their taxes or that you must change who you fundamentally are just to fit in.
You bring up some good points. At the end of the day, I think it’s important to be happy with yourself and if you can truthfully say that you are being yourself, then you can say you are being your true authentic self.
Thanks,
Karen
It took me 50 years to figure this one out!! Im 60 now – been practising for 10 years – and feel so much better about myself and consequently about others. I have so much more to give and so much more energy to give it!! I wish i had figured it out earlier!
Audrey xx
Welcome Audrey,
The only thing I can say is that at least you did figure it out!
You’re never too old (or too young) to learn life lessons.
Thanks,
Karen
Whoa boy. Stand up and stand out. I can get behind that sentiment; I really can. However, the comment about whistleblowers being a good thing? I’m not so sure. I was a whistleblower at work when it came to a physically abusive and emotionally explosive manager.
I got fired. The manager’s still happily at her job, by the way. Amazing or unbelievable? Not really.
While “to thine own self be true” is one of the things I live by, I don’t know about risking my livelihood.
Delena