Do you need to let go of your past and forgive someone?
Forgiveness is a huge deal for many people. They are walking around with so many grudges against people and are full of memories of slights done against them. Life is too short to hold grudges. Besides, most of the time the other person doesn’t even know what they did to you. They’re just out there living their life. Meanwhile, you’re walking around full of anger towards other people.
When you forgive someone, it has very little to do with the other person. You are giving yourself the gift of letting go and moving on.
It doesn’t mean forgetting what happened, but forgiving that person. Sometimes that person is you. Do you need to forgive yourself for someone that you’ve done in your past? Isn’t it about time you forgive yourself and let it go?
Why not try this? Grab a piece of paper and write down what this person did you do. Spew it all out. Get every hatred and bad act and grievance you have and write it all and down on paper. Once you have written everything down on paper, then it’s time for you to say to the piece of paper, as if the person was in front of you “I forgive you”. Then, set fire to the letter. Or rip it up into tiny little pieces of paper.
No one has to see what you have written. You will know in your heart that you have forgiven this person and can move on. This action is very cathartic.
You can’t go back and dwell on this person’s actions, either.
The goal is to forgive the person and move on.
We are all human and we all make mistakes.
The past happened and you can’t go back. Let it go.
Don’t give away your power to someone else and keep dragging that energy with you into the future. You can do this!
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. – Mahatma Gandhi
I know that this will be difficult, but try letting go of the past and those you feel wronged you. Give yourself the gift of forgiveness. Isn’t it about time?
I know that you are strong enough to do this. I hope you enjoy the video.
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{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
I once got told that forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to act like nothing happened. If someone stole you wallet and you forgave them. It doesn’t mean you will be leaving your wallet around to give them a second chance.
Tom | Build That List´s last blog ..The 4 Reasons People Unsubscribe Mailing Lists
Hi Tom,
Yes, that’s exactly true. You don’t forget what happened, you forgive yourself or the other person, and then move on from there. Learning from the past is so important so that we don’t end up repeating it.
Thanks so much for your comment, I appreciate it.
Karen
Karen,
That video is so inspirational and uplifting. Thank you for sharing it.
Forgiveness is such an important thing for spiritual awakening. The quote you’ve pulled from the video from Gandhi is so powerful and really puts things into perspective.
Regards
Paul
Paul´s last blog ..Rocky Road
Hi Paul,
It was kind of hard to pick an appropriate video, so I’m glad that you like the one I did end up picking. I thought that it was great.
Gandhi is always powerful and inspirational, eh? He does put things into persepective.
Thanks for stopping by.
Karen
Karen your right on here. Holding resentments usually only effects the person holding it. The other usually doesn’t even know and is not effected most of the time. So I think like you, you have to make amends for yourself not the other person. If they accept it then it makes it even more of a plus. If not oh well you did your part. Move on…writing it out is a great suggestion. thanks
Lees Shizzle´s last blog ..How do you relax? I Have to Give Myself Permission
Hi Lee,
It’s easy to think that it’s all about the other person, when the gift of forgiveness is really about you. You’re saying that you have taken back your own power and have moved on from the past grievances that someone has done to you. There’s no more looking into the past, only looking towards the future. It’s easy to say, I know, but if you can truly forgive someone else (or even yourself), then you’ll have such a weight taken off your shoulders and will feel freer by it.
Thanks for sharing.
Karen
Hi Karen, normally I would agree with you. But what would you suggest if the person has done something incredibly bad, they know they did, its something that can not be forgiven, Something that destroys the other persons life? What if forgiveness is not an option?
Maria´s last blog ..Gratitude & Friendship – Part One
Hi Maria,
I think forgiveness is always an option. Again, this is about you and not the other person. Like I said, it doesn’t mean forgetting what the other person did, it’s letting it go for youself, so that you can move on in your own life. That other person knows what they did, but when you find it inside yourself to say that you have forgiven them for their mistakes or actions, then you have freed yourself from the past.
There are people who have found it within themselves to forgive murderers, rapists, con artists, etc. But, I do agree that if you are not ready, then you are not ready. But, it’s also important to not let it fester forever within you either and allow it to spoil your own life further than what it already has. It’s hard to get into any specifics here, but maybe if you feel that strongly about it, seeking a professional therapist would help.
Thanks for sharing,
Karen
Maybe that’s my problem but will i ever get the chance to do this with this other person? I doubt it but I can still write it down. Makes me think, maybe that is why I can’t let go, because I have not forgiven. Will think about it. I wonder, can we forgive and still never forget? Does that count?
winnie´s last blog ..Doubts: Why do we have them?
Hi Winnie,
You don’t have to face the other person and let them know that you’ve forgiven them. You can write everything down and get it out of your system – not to relieve the bad memories but as a cleansing act.
You don’t forget what that person has done to you. All of your experiences in life make you the person you are today. You can try to accept it, forgive them (and yourself) and move on with your life.
Thanks for sharing.
Karen
I personally find it very difficult to forgive someone, especially when that person doesn’t show a strand of regret for what he had done. But I agree that life is too short and precious to be lived in hatred. I like the idea of writing all your negative feelings for that person and forgiving him and letting go by burning or tearing the piece of paper. It’s very important though to always remind ourselves that once we’ve done this, we shouldn’t let ourselves become consumed by hatred in case that person does something wrong again.
Julius´s last blog ..A Day Through The Eyes of a Blind Woman: Part 3
That’s great advice, Julius!
No, we shouldn’t be consumed by hatred. Life is full of disappointments and slights and it’s up to us to not let these situations affect us to our own detriment.
Hey Karen,
Close to my heart this one, I try and live by the thinking, if they don’t affect my life then it doesn’t affect my life.
I think judging people before you know them is the biggest catalyst in this sort of game, people judge before they know who they are dealing with.
TheInfoPreneur´s last blog ..Interview For EscapingThe9to5.com
Hi James,
You bring up a good point about judging people. Too often we have our own preconceived ideas of how people should treat us or behave and when they actually do something counter to what we expected, we can feel that they slighted us or did something against us intentionally. This may not be the case, which is why it’s more important to forgive someone in these cases and not hold grudges. They may not even know how they affected you meanwhile you are harbouring resentment and anger inside you. Just let it go and move on with your life.
Thanks for sharing,
Karen
I like this James. It’s not right to judge someone before knowing what kind of person they truly are. Judge them only after you’ve gotten to know and understand them as a person from deep within.
This can be hard to do as you may expect others to be a certain way but that’s also where good communication directly relates. You must explain how you want treated and explain you expect nothing less. You’ve been fair and set the expectation and if they can’t follow it then what happens happens. But if they never know what you expect you really can’t get upset for them NOT treating you the way you wish they would.
Eric´s last blog ..Build Your Blog With Fire In Mind
I agree, Eric. Sometimes we fall into the trap of thinking that other people can read our minds. They should know what we want and mean! But, the sad fact is that unless we tell them what we want and expect, then we may continue to be disappointed in other people.
I just want to pop in here and say I know what you mean Karen. I’ll never forget a few years *like 15* ago and I use to come home and greet my family. I use to think or know it was ok to give a hug etc.. and reach out to only have them sit still sayin bye…when I left. I eventually learned I had to ask, “can I have a hug” sounds simple but so true. Some ppl don’t know what you need unless you ask. Once I started to ask, and sometimes I had to do it everytime but I got it regardless, I learned it’s what I needed to do for me not them if I wanted my needs met. I was no longer feeling neglected and disappointed as long as I asked and let them know, hey “can I have a hug”. Good pt. thanks
Lees Shizzle´s last blog ..Metamorphosis of Your Blog ~~ Butterflies Are Free to Fly
“Some people don’t know what you need unless you ask” –> great advice, Lee. That’s great that you were able to ask for what you wanted, rather than feeling resentful towards other people and expecting them to read your minds. That’s a great lesson for us all.
Thanks for sharing,
Karen
Karen, great advice on letting go and remembering that the process of letting go is about you and not the other person. As long as you are holding on you are giving away power to the other person, and expending way too much energy on something which in all likelihood they have already forgotten.
Mick Morris´s last blog ..Are you hurting yourself more than your enemy?
Yes, that it’s exactly, Mick. It’s an act for ourselves and not the other person who is just living their lives. We need to forgive the person and expend the bad energy associated with them to move on with our own lives. If you can’t, then that person or situation will forever have a hold over your emotions.
Thanks for stopping by and adding to the community here.
Karen
Karen,
Great post and by far worth spreading the word about.
I needed this and especially today. Thanks.
Eric´s last blog ..Build Your Blog With Fire In Mind
Hi Eric,
I’m glad that you were able to get something out from this post.
Thanks for stopping by,
Karen
I had made a comment on this before, however, I have a very different perspective on it. My heart was pounding the whole time I read this, recently this happened to two great women I know, and I will tell you, for the most part, admitting wrong is a good thing, but forgiveness? I still can’t. Learning to let go is hard enough, but willing to forgive someone who has hurt you so much in the past is a very hard thing for me. But I love the post, great and very inspirational. Thanks Karen
Welcome butterfly,
I agree that letting go is very hard, and forgiveness is much harder to do. Perhaps more time is needed so that there is some distance between the actions. There’s the saying that time heals all wounds. I hope that your friends find peace and healing from their struggles.
Thanks,
Karen
Wow Karen, I saw this post and had to comment. You have AWESOME content! It really is that good.
I agree time heals all wounds.
This post is a VERY controversial subject. The reason I say that is because there is a saying that goes “NEVER GIVE UP on someone you can’t stop thinking about every day”
There is actually a group on facebook with 386,000 people! So to these people clearly forgiveness is not in their interests. Some would say they are weak, I know Mahatma Gandhi would!
I never fully understood forgiveness until I read this post.
Life is too short to hold grudges and as Sean Stephenson says ‘we should never hate or dislike somebody because when we do they own us. They own our emotions. If they do something we dont like it hits us emotionally’
I agree that by forgiving it gives us our power back. Only the strong can forgive.
Personally I’ve just been through a break up with my girlfriend and heard some stuff I didn’t want to hear after all that time of being with her but I have to be strong and forgive. Its the toughest I’ve ever had to be in my 20 years of living! Its hard but I know I can do it as time is the best healer!
Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to contribute and get some of my own past off my chest!
You rock Karen
Aaron Darko´s last blog ..Interview with David Risley on How To Get Started Online
Hi Aaron,
You rock, too!
I’m really glad that you are enjoying the articles and are taking so much from them. Sorry to hear about your breakup, but the fact that you can forgive so easily means that you are a strong person who is ready to move on with your life. As I said, it’s more of a gift to yourself so that the other person doesn’t hold any power over you and you are not wasting your energy on them.
Thanks for the thoughtful comment.
Karen
Thanks!
Absolutely I have come to realise that it’s not about wasting energy on people. They are known as energy vampires! Suck the life out of you. Since the break I have improved my productivity which is really good.
Have you forgiven anyone in your life?
Aaron Darko´s last blog ..Interview with David Risley on How To Get Started Online
Hey Aaron,
I’ve forgiven the most important person in my life – myself.
Thanks so much for sharing this article!. I made a post that look smillar to this one and it is titled, LET GO… I have learn something from this one and thanks for shariing, will be checking on you.
Valentine Belonwu´s last blog ..Let Go
Hi Valentine,
I’m glad that you learned something from the article that can help you and thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I appreciate it.
Karen
I’ve learn early on that forgiveness is essential for me to not endure pain. Seeing both my parents split up and not knowing if they really love me, I didn’t want to place blame on them. In fact, I think I wanted to protect my siblings so forgiveness was something I took upon.
Even to this day, forgiveness is a powerful form of discipline because sometime the person who’s doing you wrong actually feel guilty about it. So instead of me putting them against their doing, I let it be. Live and forget. We move on. Love should be our hearts instead.
That then truly is the meaning of a powerful existence – in respect to your blog.
Thu Nguyen´s last blog ..How I Reviewed- Rewrote and Revived My Ideas to Keep Hope Alive in Times of Blogging Slumps