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How To Heal Your Relationships

In yesterday’s article, I discussed the signs that you may be in an unhealthy relationship. If you are in a healthy relationship, that’s fantastic.

But, if you have determined that you are in what you think is an unhealthy relationship and want to try and repair it, what steps can you take?

Of course if your partner has been abusive or violent, you should be seeking immediate help. Any environment where you are experiencing cruelty or are scared for your life, it’s vitally important that you reach out to support centers, crisis lines or the police for assistance. You do have choices. Take the choice where you are able to be safe.

If you have been experiencing any of the signs of an unhealthy relationship, you should first ask yourself if you want to repair the relationship or move on. There is no shame in admitting that the relationship is damaged beyond repair, particularly if more than one red flag or trouble signs is present.

Here are six ways that you can attempt to heal your relationship:

1. Communicate, communicate, communicate

People in healthy relationships are always communicating. Being able talk things through with your partner is vitally important to the health of your relationship. Checking in with each other periodically and resolving any ongoing issues can help problems not fester and become unmanageable. Both partners should sit down and calmly discuss their feelings, concerns and needs without recriminations or confrontations. If you want to repair and strengthen your relationship you need to communicate with each other.

2. Spend quality and quantity time together

Being able to spend time with your friends and family sometimes is really important, but spending time with your life partner is also really important. Giving the best of yourself to your partner and wanting to spend time with them can result in a stronger bond between two people. There are plenty of activities that couples can do together to (re)build trust and commitment to each other, such as a scheduling a regular date night, going out dancing, and exploring new activities together. There are countless ways that you can rediscover each other.

3. Be truly interested in your partner

No one likes to be belittled or shamed or have their dreams put down. Being supportive of your partner is really important as it shows that you accept them and want to encourage them. Offer support and words of encouragement for your loved one’s hobbies, interests and passions. Let them be the person they are and look for ways to ‘be the wind beneath their wings’. Corny, I know, but nothing beats having a supportive partner that believes in you. Amazing things can happen when you have someone in your corner, no matter what life throws at you. Be that person to your partner.

4. Bring things into the light

Don’t let issues and hurts fester within you. Adults in healthy relationships try to resolve their problems and then move on. No one likes to be in a relationship where one partner is being passive-aggressive. Talk about what the real issue is with your relationship. You might be surprised at what issues are really the problem.

5. Seek professional help

No one tells us how to have healthy relationships. We are a product of our upbringing, culture and environments. Sometimes, seeking professional help is the answer. Professionals have access to information, insights and tools that we do not. Couples or individual therapy can help you improve relationship skills. If this is the most important relationship in your life, you deserve to explore every avenue that can help you in your current relationship.

6. Accept yourself and your partner’s faults

No one is perfect. No relationship is perfect. If all things considered you believe that you are in a healthy relationship and you and your partner are committed to each other, then accept them for who they are. There’s a reason why you fell in love with them in the first place. Accept their little idiosyncrasies and quirks and focus on the positive aspects of your relationship. Let things go and learn to accept others.

In any of the ways that you choose to help heal your relationship, it’s vitally important to be honest about what you want from the relationship and from your partner.

It’s your choice whether to try and heal your current relationship or to move on with your life. Regardless of what you do, know that you deserve to be loved for who you are and that you deserve to be happy in your relationships.

Related Posts:

1. Top 5 Reasons To Leave Your Job
2. My Top 5 Secret Success Factors
3. From Homeless To The Infopreneur – Guest Post
4. 10 Things You Can Do Right Now To Improve Your Life
5. Are You Being Your True Authentic Self?

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23 comments… add one

  • Hi Karen,
    Great list. One thing I would add is that, assuming you have chosen to try and make your relationship work, is to support your partner in whatever they want to do as long as you feel that it will not have a negative impact on your relationship. Being supportive and encouraging, I believe, is the bedrock of bringing the best out in someone and cultivating an inspiring and close relationship.

    Adrian
    .-= Adrian Swinscoe´s last blog ..Social Media is like any other part of business it needs goals to keep it on track =-.

    Reply
    • Hi Adrian,

      That’s a good point. We should support our partners in their dreams, but have to be careful when the impact is too great on the relationship itself. Encouragement is so important – we need that to overcome our own self-doubts.

      Thanks,
      Karen

      Reply
  • Hi Karen,

    I am no relationship expert, but this appears to be really great advice!

    I have one to add (really, it is part of 1 & 4):

    Define what you want out of the relationship and be VERY open about it with your partner. That, like most things, changes over time, so it is very important to continue communicating your needs.

    I have known a few people who’s relationships would have worked if only each person knew what the other wanted out of it. Its if funny because it seems like most people assume that everyone wants the same things out of their relationships, and that could not be further from the truth.

    Have a great day!
    .-= mark´s last blog ..Innovation’s Last Stand =-.

    Reply
    • Hi Mark,

      I agree that people can change over time so it’s important to check in periodically with each other. Communication is really important. You need to know what you want and are able to communicate that to your partner.

      Thanks,
      Karen

      Reply
  • Communication is very important. Many relationships suffer and many end up in divorce because of lack of communication. Thanks for sharing Karen
    .-= Dia´s last blog ..How patient are you? =-.

    Reply
    • Hi Dia,

      Thanks for your comment and I agree that communication in relationships is super-important. You can never communicate too much.

      Karen

      Reply
  • Echoing the others but great advice. I personally would say this is great advice for maintaining a great relationship, regardless of whether you feels it needs healing or not. And aside from number 5, these would be great for friendships too. Talking and listening and loving and accepting. Great stuff Karen :)
    .-= Eleanor Edwards´s last blog ..Love, life and lollypops =-.

    Reply
    • Hi Eleanor,

      These are great tips for not only healing a relationship, but for maintaining one as well. That’s a good point – it can work for friendships, too :-)

      Thanks,
      Karen

      Reply
  • I feel that really knowing what you want in a relationship helps out because you then have a clear idea of how things should ultimately be. Good post here.

    Reply
    • Hi Eric,

      Thanks for the comment. Knowing what you want is really important in any relationship.

      Thanks,
      Karen

      Reply
  • Hi Karen,

    How are you?
    Great article! No two people are alike. It’s inevitable that disagreements will arise and healthy communication is in order. I think the goal is to have a mutually respectful bond — inclusive of idiosyncrasies and quirks.

    Every relationship will have its unique balance of time spent together, levels of support, etc. This brings to mind a call I heard on the radio w/ Dr. Laura Schlessinger. A young gal was upset that her parents didn’t ‘support’ her pursuit of playing the violin. Actually, they ‘supported’ her hobby (and would probably attend performances), they just didn’t want to listen to the hours of practice required. Dr. Laura agreed with the violinists’ parents. Dr. Laura mentioned her son loves surfing and she supports him, but she doesn’t have to surf or even go to the beach. The violinist gained perspective as I have from you. Thanks for your tips for healing :)

    Take care,
    Kim
    .-= Kim´s last blog ..The Power of Inductive Arguments =-.

    Reply
    • Thanks for the thoughtful reponse, Kim. You’ve provided some great examples of having assumptions and believing things that may not be true.

      I agree that communicate and respect is needed in any relationship.

      Thanks,
      Karen

      Reply
  • All but one was on my list forever, Communicate! probably why it failed…and it always takes two, none other than me whom tried for years to help this unhealthy relationship of mine…but you already knew that. Great post Karen as usual. You inspire others. thanks.

    Reply
    • Hi PurpleB,

      That’s an excellent point to remember – it takes two to communicate. You can try as hard as you want but if the other person doesn’t want to hear what you have to say or puts you down, then at least you’ve tried.

      You’re definitely in a better place now and have learned so much. You’ll know for the next time :-)

      Thanks,
      Karen

      Reply
  • Hi karen:
    A great topic to discuss! Relationships are always changing, no matter how old they are. I like your list and find that communication is the number one ingredient. When communicating, it is really important to take the time to listen, really listen. Communication is about being honest, showing respect and reacting in a kind and gentle way. Relationships require patience and if things are spiraling in the wrong direction, address the issues before they become too far out of control. Thanks for the discussion topic, Karen. You always present relevant information that inspires meaningful dialogue.
    .-= Ann´s last blog ..Ways to Manage Stress -Calming a Stressful Lifestyle =-.

    Reply
    • Hi Ann,

      Thanks so much for your kind words and thoughtful response. I couldn’t agree more about the need for communications skills (listening and talking) in relationships and the need to nip issues in the bud before it’s too late. How many people say that they were blindsided by the breakup of their relationship? And, yet, there are usually indicators that people don’t see (or want to see).

      Thanks,
      Karen

      Reply
  • I am in the process of trying to repair a relationship that got damaged by my partner’s infatuation with a work colleague. We sought professional help which helped to some extent although when I found out that she was still communicating with him via text messages it ripped a little piece of my heart out – yet again. I still want to be with her but she doesn’t communicate very well at all and rarely checks in to see if I’m having a good or bad day. I feel that she has put this behind her and expects me to do the same, but I have moments of obsessive self doubt. How do I encourage her to communicate more?

    Reply
    • Hi Jon,

      That is a very difficult situation that you are in and I appreciate you reaching out for advice. I’m a little surprised that the professional help you and your partner didn’t cover the situation though. Trust between two people, particularly in your primary relationship, is so very important and once it’s gone, sometimes you can never get it back. It sounds as if this person has really hurt you and has devalued the relationship boundaries and your trust. Perhaps you can try again with the professional help and her communication skills? I do believe in protecting yourself at all costs and would question if the relationship is no longer working for you – for your mental health and relationship needs. Sorry, but I don’t have the answers as you’ll have to examine your personal situation and look within for what you want to have (and not have) in your life.

      Good luck and whatever you decide know that you deserve to be treated with respect and love.

      Karen

      Reply
  • A wonderful list Karen

    Communication is so important to a relationship. The big one for me is showing an interest in the other person. Too many of us making it about us in a relationship, what we want, what we need, what we have and don’t have. Instead we should shift our focus onto the other person and giving ourselves completely to them.

    Reply
    • I’d subscribed to comments and so I nearly fell off my sofa when I read this. It’s what I was talking about today in church. How bizarre is that?! Loving other people more than you love yourself. Very cool and bizarre but also fabulous :)
      .-= Eleanor Edwards´s last blog ..Audio Smile 2- Saturday Smile =-.

      Reply
      • That is a weird coincidence, Eleanor!

        I think there are times where we should be loving other people more, but at the same time it’s not a selfish thing to love yourself just as much. It has to do with the focus, I guess. If we are always thinking of what *I* can get from the other person, that’s not a healthi relationship. Nor, is one where you are the only one thinking of the other person’s feelings / wants / needs.

        Thanks,
        Karen

        Reply
    • Thanks, Ben.

      I agree that a lot of the time we are looking for the other person to bring something to our lives, when we should be thinking of what we can bring together. We are already whole and complete human beings without the other person so you should focus on what you bring to them and what they bring to you.

      Karen

      Reply
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