How To Easily Increase Your Negotiation Skills: Getting To Yes

A couple of weeks ago I took a workshop on negotiation and I thought I would share with you what I learned. If you think you can’t get to a Yes in any negotiation, then read on for ways to increase your negotiation skills.

Negotiation – a process in which two or more entities come together to discuss common and conflicting interests in order to reach an agreement of mutual benefit.

The important part of the above definition is that negotiation is between two entities who reach an agreement of mutual benefit. You want to make sure that you get what you want and that the other party gets what they want, too.

Sounds easy, right? It can actually be a very hard process, particularly if you don’t have the skills necessary while the other person does. Let’s share the knowledge.

I used to think that negotiation only took place when I was evaluating job offers or in salary discussions. Not so. In fact, I bet we are in the negotiation process every day, sometimes without even being aware of it.

Any time someone asks you to do something, you’re in a negotiation. Anytime someone wants something from you, they are negotiating with you, whether you know it or not.

Many times, negotiation happens so fast that we didn’t know that we were part of the process. Your boss drops by your desk and asks you to type something up. Your spouse asks you to pick up something on the way home. Your children want to watch their favourite TV show tonight. All examples of negotiation.

When someone wants something from you, what do you normally do?

See if you recognize if you do any of these 5 approaches to negotiation:

1. Avoid or Delay – you avoid negotiating with others and/or try to delay interacting with the other party.

2. Accept it – you accept whatever the other person requires of you.

3. Bargain – you take a bargaining approach with the other person.

4. Compromise – you try to compromise with the other person and at the same time you try not giving up what you really want.

5. Collaboration – you cooperate with the other person so that you enter into a win/win scenario where each person gets what they need from the negotiation.

The Difference Between Interest and Position:

It’s important to keep in mind that in every negotiation there is a difference between interest and positions. It’s easy to get bogged down in our position (our fixed view, judgement or solution to a situation) and lose sight of what our interest is in the negotiation. Our interest is our wants, fears, concerns, expectations and needs.

You are entering into a negotiation with a prospective client. Your position is to get a signed contract for your going rate. But your interest may actually be to build an ongoing relationship with the client for repeat business. The position of your client may be to get the least expensive contract signed while their interest may be to have a reliable freelancer do their work by their deadline. There may be various solutions to the positions involved in the negotiation by each party, but unless their interest is satisfied, then the negotiation will fail.

Interests motivate people. Your position is something that you have already decided upon. Your interests are what caused you to decide. Look at the other person’s interests, rather than their position, if you want to come to an agreement. Getting to a yes is easier when both parties use interest-based negotiation and do not get stuck on each other’s positions.

Look beneath what someone is saying to you. What do they really want from you? What want, need, fear or concern do they have? Look at your own interests when entering a negotiation with another person. You may think you are negotiating for more money, but are you really? Maybe you are actually looking for more recognition and having a title change or more vacation time or a special bonus will satisfy your need.

Listen to what the other person says using these Listening Techniques:

Attending Skills – this is where you show that you are interested and are encouraging the other person to talk. You say things such as “I see”, “Uh-huh”.

Reflecting Skills – when you say things such as “It sounds like you’re saying that you feel…” to the other person you are demonstrating that you understand how the other person feels about the issue.

Questioning Skills – you use these skills when you want to be certain you understand what is being said by the other person and to get more information. Use open questions to get more information from the other person.

Summarizing Skills – use summarization statements such as “As we discussed, these are the key ideas we agreed upon”.

Paraphrasing Skills – you use paraphrasing when you want to show that you are listening and that you understood what the other person has said.

In negotiations, you need to use your communication skills in order to be effective. Did you know that almost 75% of all verbal communication is misunderstood and that 80% of body language is communicated through facial expressions? When negotiating, it’s vital that we pay attention to actions and body language and not just what the other person says.

This is part one of my two-part series on Negotiation. Here’s part two.

Related Posts:

1. Are Books Worth The Money?
2. Seven Friends You Need In Your LIfe
3. Book Review: 100 Ways To Improve Your Life
4. Do You Need To Let Go and Forgive?
5. Are You Being Your True Authentic Self?

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to my feed to have all the future articles delivered to your feed reader. Thanks!

Tagged as: Communication, Listening Skills, Negotiation, Personal Development