Human beings are emotional creatures. Our emotions and how we feel about certain things in our lives can be very beneficial. We want to be happy and joyful with our relationships, we want to feel hopeful that we are making a difference in our lives, and we want to feel accepted and loved. But, what happens when you are not feeling these positive emotions and have negative emotions controlling you?
Everything in our lives and everything we do in life is an attached to an emotion.
It’s very important to look at what you have in your current life that is a result of one of the following common emotions that can be hindering you from having a meaningful life.
1. Anger
Are you angry about how your life has turned out? Do you express your anger towards other people? Have you noticed that children can go into a temper tantrum so easily, yelling and screaming, with their faces turning red and then all of a sudden the tantrum is over? That’s because it takes a lot of energy to maintain your anger. It sucks the life right out of you sometimes to hold that high-level of anger. It’s not good for your blood pressure, either and has a physical response in your body when you are angry. It seems like the only person who is hurting is you – don’t do that to yourself. Let go of your anger and ease yourself.
Instead of being an angry person, let things go. If someone cuts you off in traffic, don’t add to the road rage. Learn to put things into perspective. Don’t sweat the small stuff, and it’s all small stuff. Don’t get angry about your life circumstances, get motivated to make some necessary changes. Use that motivation to do what you need to do.
2. Guilt
Guilt can be a very strong motivator, but it’s usually used in the wrong way. We do things in our lives just because we feel guilty about something or feel pressured by a well-meaning person to do something that may not be the best thing for our life. Plenty of people go into the wrong career or marry the wrong person or have children or invest in things out of guilt. Don’t let other people use guilt to make you do something in your life that you don’t want to do. Also, don’t let your own guilt about something linger in your life. We all have done things in our lives that we are not proud of and feel bad about. We wish things could be different so that we don’t live with the guilt and regret. Forgive yourself and forgive others.
Instead of letting yourself or someone else use a guilt trip to motivate you, tell yourself that you deserve forgiveness about your past and that you deserve to make your own decisions in life. You can listen to other people and their opinions, but know that the ultimate decider about what you will do with your life is YOU. Don’t let guilt rob you of your choices in life.
3. Resentment
It’s easy to be envious of other people and feel resentment for what they have in life. It’s seems so unfair, doesn’t it? But, life is unfair. If you are feeling resentful to other people, you are only harming yourself. You are not dealing with the reality that life is unfair. There are people who have natural talents that we do not. Some people are just born lucky (or work really hard to make themselves lucky). It’s no use resenting anyone else or their circumstances in life.
We all have choices in life. Instead of feeling resentment, take personal responsibility for everything in your life. If you don’t like something about yourself or your life, then do the necessary homework and make the changes you need. Stop waiting. Do what’s necessary so that you don’t live a resentful life. Drop your resentment and move on with your life.
4. Revenge
‘Revenge is a dinner best served cold’. Have you heard of that saying? Revenge can be such a debilitating emotion as it sucks all of your energy and gives your power to the other person. You are so wrapped up in how you were wronged and how you will get revenge on the other person, that you don’t realize how much this negative emotion has touched every part of your life. Revenge can take years to obtain and then what do you have? what did you learn? People have moved on with their lives, while you were stuck in some kind of moment in time just dreaming of getting your revenge.
People hurt other people every day. Most of it is unintentional. Even if was deliberate, doesn’t mean that you give away your precious time and energy to someone who injured you. Life goes on so move on with it. Instead of trying to get back at someone, live the best possible life that you can. Show them that what they did to you didn’t affect your entire life and your future. The best revenge is being your best and living a wonderful life.
5. Sadness
Being sad is a very crippling emotion to have and it can permeate every part of your life. When you’re sad, you don’t want to do anything in life. Nothing seems worthwhile and you sometimes feel that you can’t carry on anymore. It’s normal to feel sad at certain times of life (such as at funerals), but if your sadness seems to define you, then you need to do some important homework to let the sadness go. ‘Time heals all wounds’ and as someone who has gone through various hardships in life, I believe this to be true.
When we’re sad it can seem like pretty apathetic world out there. But, learn to see the good and wonderful in the world, rather than focus on the ills of the world. Start doing things that are fun to you. If you can’t remember what fun is, then ask someone else how they have fun and try that. Rent some funny movies and use the healing power of laughter. Surround yourself with happy, optimistic people, and lose the friends that make you feel sadder about your life. Strengthen your most important relationships. Learn to be grateful for what you do have in your life, rather than focusing on what is missing or what could have been. Being sad only hurts you. Change the things you can in your life and accept the things you can’t. Seek out peace of mind and a sense of equilibrium in your life.
The common negative emotions of anger, guilt, resentment, revenge and sadness can stop you from having a meaningful existence as they affect every part of your life and suck out your energy. Focus on how you can control these emotions and move on with your life. You deserve it.
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2. Book Review: Crush It: Why Now Is The Time to Cash In On Your Passion
3. One Sure-Fire Way You Can Start Your Emergency Fund Today
4. Do You Need To Let Go and Forgive?
5. Are You Being Your True Authentic Self?
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{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }
Morning Karen
What I was left thinking about when I read this was the thing (can’t remember from where) I heard suggested about how it’s best to replace one thing with another. How like instead of just removing whichever of the above emotions need removing, removing and then replacing with something more positive works better. So instead of just removing anger, work at finding ways to love more as an antidote.
I hope that makes sense. Reading that back, it sounds a bit jumbled whereas in my head it made perfect sense! Hope it makes some sense to you too
El x
Eleanor Edwards´s last blog ..Perspective It all depends on where you’re standing
Hi El,
You’re absolutely right. You can’t just stop something as it creates a vacuum. You have to replace one emotion with a positive one. I gave some alternative solutions to the emotions which would fill that void.
Of course you make sense
I knew what you meant.
Thanks so much for adding that,
Karen
Interesting and timely post
I just got back from a training were I learned Timeline Empowerment®. According Buddhist Monks, the US Army and many physiologists this process is one of the best ways to release negative emotions like, anger, sadness, fear and guilt.
Thanks for this very timely post
Hi Gregg,
Glad that you liked the post. That is a weird coincidence
I have never heard of Timeline Empowerment but I Googled it and it sounds interesting. I should learn more about NLP, too.
Thanks for stopping by,
Karen
Great post Karen! These are 4 of the most toxic emotions for sure. Shame is also a biggie. I am a former meditation instructor and one of the exercises I taught was to free yourself from the grip of these debilitating emotions. It’s so important to move on. A lot of the problems I saw stemmed from people not being in touch with their emotions, so they had no idea why they were unhappy or behaved they way they did. I think in our busy action oriented world many people have gotten used to shutting away their emotions in order to do all they have to do.
Thank you!
Hi Angela,
I agree that shame is a common negative emotion as well and that it’s important to not let these emotions drag on and affect your life so much. I can relate to sometimes not knowing why I’m feeling the way I do, especially right in the midst of things, but when I stop and have time to reflect, I can usually figure out the reasons.
I wrote about compartmentalizing your life in my Are You Being Your Authentic Self post and do see that often. People shut away their true emotions in order to do what they need to do, or more often, to fit in.
Thanks,
Karen
Brilliant article Karen!
You said it best here when you said to learn how to control these emotions simply because you deserve it. That’s just it. Really. You have to believe you deserve a better life and therefore learn how to control the emotions you have and turn those into better, if they’re not so good right now.
Feeling sad can really get you down and it’s not always easy to turn things around but when you believe that you deserve the best in life and want to give the best to others around you, so many opportunities can arise from that.
Thanks for the insight today.
Eric´s last blog ..Blogging Better- The Two Simple Ways To Do So
Hey Eric,
Thanks so much! I’m glad that you enjoyed the article.
Your response is very insightful, too. When you feel like you deserve more, you expect more from yourself and learn the strategies that will empower you.
Karen
Exactly Karen!
You have to first believe you deserve it or you may never reach what you truly deserve.
Thanks for replying!
Eric´s last blog ..Blogging Better- The Two Simple Ways To Do So
Hey Karen,
This seems spot-on to me. Especially sadness & anger. I know that I get MUCH less done when I am sad, and it effects every aspect of my life. Luckily, it does not happen all that often. Anger seems to really just damage a person. Learning to control it and let it out in a healthy way is really a great benefit to a person, I would think. Otherwise, we end up keeping it bottled up or punching someone (not good).
I love this advice Karen.
Have a great day!
mark´s last blog ..The Latest Thing To Solve All of Your Problems
Hey Mark,
I get a lot less done when I’m sad, too, as nothing seems worth it. Plus, you have less energy and motivation to do what’s necessary.
You’re so right that you need to defuse that anger as not only can you hurt yourself, but others, too.
Thanks and I hope you have a great day, too.
Karen
Hi Karen,
Guilt is a very big one that we often don’t realize we are carrying around. It is often described as the Guilt Iceberg with 1/10th above ‘water’ the rest is buried deep in our subconscious. The source of recurring troubles comes from guilt bobbing up and down in our consciousness, from the deep recesses of our mind. Many people set goals, and begin moving straight ahead like an arrow toward the target – when Bang! – they hit an invisible barrier. What happened? It is their own guilt ridden thinking that is causing them problems.
When I was able to examine and become aware of the guilt I was carrying around I was able to have marvelous breakthroughs. I spent many years disliking myself and feeling undeserving… this is unnatural, we have to learn how to do that. I had to feel I deserved good before I could receive good.
Hi Rob,
Thanks so much for the insightful response. You brought up some great points.
It all starts with ourselves and how we feel about ourselves. When we feel good about ourselves, we treat ourselves better and demand more from ourselves and others. Everyone deserves to receive good, because they are innately good (IMHO).
Thanks,
Karen
Karen: Great post and great suggestions. It is so important that we understand how to manage and control the negative feelings that can hold us back from living life in a great way. I think once we understand that a lot of these motions can be dealt with and managed, we are more apt to do what we should to resolve inner conflicts and negative feelings. I think the advice you gave was all very helpful. I particularly thought what you said about taking responsibility for everything in your life was very important advice. It really gives us the right perspective and shows us that the decision really is ours.
Sibyl-alternaview´s last blog ..30 Things I Wish I Knew Earlier in Life
Hi Sibyl,
I agree that once you realize that the emotions are not serving you and are actually affecting your life negatively, that you owe it to yourself to control them and replace them with more positive emotions. As I mentioned, anger can be very motivating in the right circumstances.
Thanks so much for your comment,
Karen
Nice post Karen. I like how you say all of these emotions – anger, guilt, resentment, revenge, and sadness – do nothing but suck up your meaning of existence. That’s totally true. When we focus our energy on any of these negative emotions, we put ourselves in a deep, black hole oblivious that we are even in the hole (that’s the only metaphor I can think or right now). I’m glad you remind us to be grateful for what we have and find a way to control our emotions so we can have a peace of mind. Thank you!
You bring up a good point, Hulbert.
Sometimes we don’t even know that we are in the black hole and just accept it as normal. Self-reflection in these cases and an examination of why certain things aren’t working in your life is needed.
Thanks so much for your comment. I appreciate it!
I actually saw a wonderful healer/therapist last year when I became aware of how much anger I was holding inside that I didn’t even know was really there. I just knew there was an unexplainable tension in my being and I needed relief. I worked through it and I am now very aware of honoring that I might feel angry, know that feeling is temporary, and take the appropriate action to let it go whether it be a good cry, a cookie, a long walk, or a shoulder to lean on. Really nice post on how these emotions can hold us hostage from living authentic rich lives if we don’t stay aware and take action as needed.
Clearly Composed´s last blog .. Feng Shui And Inner Balance
Hey CC,
Thanks so much for sharing some of your thoughts and experiences. I’m glad that you were able to work through it with the help of a healer/therapist. Sometimes, it takes a trained, objective third-party to see clearly what we don’t.
You get right to the core of it here Karen. Emotions can kill or cure. Sadly the ones on your list are more prevelant than some positive ones. Always makes me wonder why we tend to choose the tough ones all the time over the nicer ones? It’s like we can’t allow good stuff to exist. Look for the good and you’ll begin to feel it. Otherwise you’re left with these and that’s no option at all.
John Sherry´s last blog ..Why Having No Plans Is Inspirational
Hi John,
Thanks for your comment! I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and adding
relevant points to the discussion.
Karen
thanks for the deep analysis of these emotions,
i strongly agree , great post
Farouk ´s last undefined ..If you register your site for free at
Thanks for stopping by, Farouk. I’m glad that you enjoyed the article.
Hi Karen,
I believe one of the best ways to control our emotions is by controlling our thoughts. We can’t have an emotion without having a thought, so it is very important that we learn to control our thoughts in the process so we control our emotions such as sadness, resentment etc… Thanks Karen for sharing
Dia´s last blog ..How to become lucky
Hi Dia,
Thanks so much for your comment. I agree that we need to learn to control our thoughts and emotions so that we can use them for positive growth in life.
Hey Karen,
These emotions does really eat you up alive. In reality, there are probably plenty of people who suffering from these emotions and don’t know where to begin to cope with it. I try to use negative energy and transfer to something better like.. taking it out on the gym.. walking by the park or writing it down. There this really cool book about this subject called Taming Your Gremlin by Rick Carson.. Ever heard of it?
Welcome Justin,
You bring up some other excellent points to redirect the negative emotions and use them to enhance, rather than subtract from your life. Thanks so much for adding those tips.
No, I have not heard of that book. Thanks for the mentioning it as it sounds really interesting.
Karen
I think to work on yourself, it’s okay to experience all of these emotions. It’s only when we dwell on them that it results in inner turmoil.
Moon Hussain´s last blog ..Bookmarking Demon- Helpful Social Bookmarking Software or Bust
Well said, Moon! Thanks for adding your thoughts.
I have regular issues with a couple of those. Revenge is great. I have tried to work on anger issues and prefer to walk away fast so I don’t get in any trouble.
Brandon Connell´s last blog ..Killer SEO- Not having it will destroy your blog-
Walking away is always an option to consider, Brandon. It’s great that you recognize those situations that require it.
Thanks for stopping by,
Karen
I read a book a while back called “The Four Agreements” – one of the four agreements was to never take things personally. I’ve since changed my perspective on things. As challenges present themselves, I don’t hold onto any feelings of anger, sadness, resentment, etc. because at the end of the day it only clouds my thoughts and fools with my emotions and that gets in the way of any useful/healthy progress.
Ricardo Bueno´s last blog ..How To Be Influential
Welcome Ricardo,
I have Miquel Ruiz’s book of The Four Agreements and his advice about not taking anything personally is one of the best pieces of advice that I remember from the book. It’s none of our business what people think of us, as we have to live our own lives. Besides, we can take the wrong way the most innocuous comment or look from someone else and let it affect us so much.
Thanks for adding your thoughts,
Karen
Hi Karen,
Another superb post and as always you really made me sit up and think a lot of things through.
These are the biggies but I also agree with Angela’s comments re “shame” – this one in particular impacted on me a few years ago when I made some bad life decisions. The impact on me was devastating and a real reminder of the impact of emotions on our lives.
Quite often there can be a cross over or inter-dependence across all these emotions that for some people can lead to a complete shut down. After my previous mistakes and poor judgments I now find the real skill is to be able to clearly recognize what emotions are impacting on me, are they valid and then make decisions not based on some current emotional state but more on truth and reality.
Peter Beckenham´s last blog ..My First Product Creation…This is My Plan-
Hi Peter,
Thanks so much for taking the time to share your insights and your kind words. I like it when I make people sit up and think things through
I agree that there is a lot of interdependence and overlap between the emotions and that sometimes we don’t really know or understand the underlying emotional cause of our actions. That’s why it’s important to be conscious of why we do the things we do. If we aren’t getting the results we want, then turn these emotions around and use them for motivation for change.
Karen