Jillian Gile is a guest blogger for Pounding the Pavement and a writer on the subject of becoming a nail technician for the Guide to Career Education.
“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” –Epictetus (Greek Stoic philosopher)
When you list the qualities of someone you love, admire, and respect, one of the top qualities is always “a good listener”.
Luckily for those of us who aren’t the best at listening and letting others speak, good listening skills can be practiced and increased.
Becoming a better listener can not only earn you more respect and admiration, but can benefit you professionally, as well. Employers look for people who listen, can take clear direction, and who aren’t preoccupied with spreading gossip.
Need to work on your listening skills? Here are some tips:
Listening doesn’t always mean keeping completely silent while the other person speaks. “Active listening” is a great skill, and shows that you are involved in the conversation. You can hone your listening skills by asking follow-up questions, or asking for clarification on certain points. These simple questions will allow the speaker to continue talking while you continue listening.
Become a people watcher. Learn how other people listen, and take mental notes about the habits of people you think are good listeners, and people you think are bad listeners. Often, behaviors we find annoying in others are mirror images of our own habits. That person who keeps interrupting, or who never makes eye contact? That could be you. Before you start listening, make a game plan of the habits of a good listener.
Take note of what really gets you talking passionately. Everyone has a favorite subject, or a story they just have to tell everyone they meet. Ask a close friend or loved one what it is that really gets you going, and then next time you are having a conversation, try NOT to butt in with your story. You can always tell the story or give your opinion later, but just exercising this ability to control yourself is a great step on the way to listening better.
In the same way that we shouldn’t let your own stories or opinions butt into someone’s conversation, don’t let your brain race ahead of the speaker, either. If you’re thinking “oh, I should tell so-and-so about the time I had a similar experience,” while you should be listening, your brain has effectively blocked out what the speaker is saying. Instead, be thinking about questions to ask (see Active Listening above).
Don’t let your brain distract you, and don’t let anything else distract you, either. Having the television on in the background can be nice – but if you know that you’re staring at the movie rather than listening, turn the TV off (not just on mute – flashing pictures are just as distracting). Maybe it’s music, or maybe it’s being out in public – but to become a better listener you need to be 100% focused on the speaker.
Another part of active listening is empathy. This means that you not only understand how the speaker feels, but actively know what they’ve gone through. You may not have actually gone through the same experience, but imagining yourself “in their shoes” will allow you to feel empathy. This will also give you material for follow-up questions, and can make you seem more approachable.
Once you have mastered the above techniques, you will naturally find yourself falling into the best type of listening – with your whole body.
Did you know that 75% of all communication is non-verbal? That means that as we speak, we are reading other people’s facial features, body language, and hand motions. You can’t fake being interested with your body language, either. Pay attention to your own non-verbal motions while you speak and look for non-verbal clues from others while you listen.
I hope these techniques will help you improve your listening skills.
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Great subject Jillian. I find the majority of people, in general, simply aren’t good listeners. We’re so busy looking to talk ourselves or our company or our whatever it may be ‘up’ that we completely lose focus on this incredibly important skill that builds true relationships and friendships.
Personally, I’m really working on this. Like most people, I tend to talk first, listen second, but I’m getting better…and learning to ask the right questions that further stimulate the conversation.
Thanks for the post
Marcus Sheridan, The Sales Lion´s last blog ..Are Paid- Fake Customer Testimonials a Good Idea for Your Business
Hey Marcus,
I think that this subject is really important because it affects so much of our lives. If we aren’t talking, we’re listening. But are we listening actively or just waiting to talk mroe?
I agree that it’s a skill that needs work and I know that I can definitely improve my listening skills, too.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom,
Karen
Great guest post Karen.
Listening is so important. I’m learning to be a better listener. I always thought I was a good listener, but I know there’s room for improvement too.
Angela Artemis´s last blog ..How to Rebuild Your Life After The Money Train Crashes & Burns
There’s always room for improvement, Angela
Thanks for dropping by.
Excellent post by Jillian. Actually, Karen, Your blog is one of my favorites…maybe because my wife’s name is Karen
. Anywho, I find one of my biggest difficulties in being a good listener is that I’m often focused more on how I am going to respond to what the other person is saying rather than to “the what” they are saying. That, of course, means that I miss their heart.
Gary Ellis´s last blog ..The Secret To Getting Answers
Welcome Gary and thanks so much for your kind words. They made my day!
I’m guilty of doing that too – ready to jump in with my response when it’s my turn to speak. I’m really bad at making assumptions, too, and have been burned a few times assuming things when I should have been really listening. But, I recognize that fault and am trying to work on it.
Thanks,
Karen
Although I have dramatically improved my listening skills over the years, I could still use some work on it. I find that the more preoccupied I am with what is going on in my life, the less I am able to actively listen to others.
Lisa H.´s last blog ..Leave Your Anxiety and Worry Behind for Good
Welcome Lisa,
I know what you mean. It’s amazing how if we just slowed down in our lives that we could be more present when we are with other people. It’s something that we have to consciously decide to do and live in the now (regardless of what’s happening in our crazy busy lives).
Thanks for sharing,
Karen
Hi Jillian,
Very nice post! Listening is a crucial skill that we all should master. I like what you mentioned about watching people and observe the good listeners, After all, we should speak less and listen more
Thanks for sharing
Dia´s last blog ..How to deal with a stubborn person
I find the majority of people, in general, simply aren’t good listeners. We’re so busy looking to talk ourselves or our company or our whatever it may be ‘up’ that we completely lose focus on this incredibly important skill that builds true relationships and friendships.
I also have committed the sin of hearing but not listening. I notice that when I practice listening to what other need to say, they respect me more. I practice this with my wife and found out that our relationship shifted to another level.